The Culture of Judgment and ‘Nurses Eat Their Young’
As if the demands of patient care and administrative overload weren’t enough, one of the most painful realities in nursing is how poorly we often treat each other. There’s a saying in our field: “Nurses eat their young.” Unfortunately, this isn’t just a catchy phrase — it’s a harsh truth.
Whether it’s senior nurses being judgmental of new grads or staff members gossiping and undermining one another, the toxicity between coworkers only adds to an already overwhelming environment.
Instead of fostering support and mentorship, many nurses face criticism for struggling to keep up or are shamed for speaking up about the workload. In some workplaces, asking for help can even lead to being labeled as incompetent or weak. Judgment comes from all sides. Not just fellow nurses but other staff members, managers, and even doctors. This culture of blame and competition only deepens the stress we feel, and it prevents us from building the solidarity we need to thrive in such a high-pressure job.
But it doesn’t have to be this way. We have the power to change how we treat each other by creating a culture of compassion and support within our units. Standing together, rather than tearing each other down, is one of the first steps toward changing the larger system.
When the Healthcare System Cares More About Money Than Care
One of the most frustrating aspects of working in healthcare is how often cost-cutting measures take priority over patient care. Suggestions from nurses that could improve quality of care are often dismissed because they might affect the bottom line. A striking example is when upper management decided to invest in customer service workshops while ignoring the need for more staff or resources to improve actual patient care. It’s disheartening to see money poured into superficial solutions, while real, meaningful change is left on the back burner.
We become stuck in a cycle of putting out fires — whether with patients, families, doctors, or coworkers. It’s never-ending, and often we, the nurses, are the ones caught in the middle. The healthcare system is often quick to point fingers at nurses when things go wrong, yet slow to offer support when we’re drowning under impossible workloads.
When we speak up about needing help, the response is often the same: “You just can’t handle it.” We’re told to work on our time management skills, as if that’s the issue. It’s easier to blame individual nurses than to admit the system is flawed. But no one person can manage this type of patient load effectively, and it’s time we stop pretending that we can.
Recognizing the Root of the Problem
Some of the blame does fall on us as nurses — we don’t set or enforce boundaries. We end up caretaking instead of caregiving, and sometimes we lose our voice out of fear. But more often than not, it’s the toxic environment we’re placed in. We are asked to do the impossible, and when we can’t, we’re made to feel like we’re not enough.
I recall one facility where we were told not to mention staffing shortages to patients. To me, that felt like an abusive relationship — being hit and told, “Don’t tell anyone.” But we can’t keep quiet anymore.
It’s Time to Stand Up
We need to stand up for ourselves. We need to learn to say, “No,” to stop allowing the system to take advantage of us. The first step is to get out of debt. Money often keeps us trapped in jobs that are toxic. It’s like being in an abusive relationship where you can’t leave because you don’t know how you’ll survive financially.
Once we free ourselves from the financial hold, we can begin to stand up for what’s right. We can identify our values and ask ourselves if our current job aligns with those. If it doesn’t, it’s time to have that conversation with your employer. And if they don’t listen, it might be time to walk away.
Taking Action: Practical Steps for Nurses
While it’s easy to identify the problems, making meaningful change can feel overwhelming. Here are some actionable steps nurses can take to improve their situation and move toward long-term solutions.
Get Out of Debt
Financial insecurity often traps nurses in toxic jobs because they fear leaving without a backup plan. To break free, start by taking control of your finances:
- Create a budget: Track your income and expenses to see where you can save and allocate more toward paying off debt.
- Explore debt consolidation: Look into consolidating high-interest loans or credit cards into one manageable payment.
- Seek financial advice: Many employers offer employee assistance programs that include financial counseling. Use these resources.
- Supplement income in less stressful ways: Consider part-time opportunities like telehealth or freelance nursing work, which can provide a break from the grind of hospital life while helping you pay down debt.
By regaining control over your finances, you’ll reduce the hold your job has over you and open the possibility of transitioning to a more balanced role.
Set Boundaries and Practice Self-Advocacy
Nurses are notorious for neglecting their own needs in favor of patient care. But setting boundaries is essential to prevent burnout:
- Take your breaks: Even if it feels impossible, find small ways to carve out time for yourself during shifts. Start by ensuring you take your lunch break every shift — it’s a basic right.
- Be assertive: When patient assignments are unreasonable, speak up. It can feel daunting, but voicing concerns early often leads to better support from coworkers or supervisors.
- Practice saying no: Whether it’s an unsafe patient load or an overwhelming schedule, know that you can say, “No.” If needed, team up with other nurses to ask for change collectively. It’s easier to advocate when you have others on your side.
Setting boundaries doesn’t make you a bad nurse; it makes you a sustainable one.
Cope with Toxic Workplaces in the Short Term
While you work on long-term solutions, here are ways to protect your well-being in toxic environments:
- Use mindfulness techniques: Deep breathing exercises, short meditations, or quick grounding techniques can help you stay calm during high-stress moments.
- Join online support groups: Many nurses find solace in peer communities where they can vent, share advice, and feel supported by others who understand their struggles.
- Document unfair conditions: If your workplace is toxic, start documenting incidents where unsafe practices occur, like inadequate staffing or patient neglect. Know your legal rights, and consider seeking help from a union if available.
Remember, toxic environments thrive when no one speaks up. Even if change feels slow, documenting and reporting issues is a step toward improvement.
Stand Up for Systemic Change
Change won’t come overnight, but it starts with nurses advocating for themselves and others. Here’s how you can get involved:
- Join a union: Nursing unions are often the best way to ensure better pay, working conditions, and legal protection. If you’re not already part of one, consider joining or advocating for unionization in your facility.
- Participate in nursing organizations: Groups like the American Nurses Association or your state’s nursing board often work on policy change and advocate for nurses’ rights.
- Explore less-stressful nursing roles: If your current job is too toxic, it might be time to explore other options. Roles in telehealth, nursing education, or research offer more work-life balance and often come with less direct patient care stress.
By becoming part of a larger movement, you can influence changes that go beyond just your own situation.
Align Your Work with Your Values
Reflect on why you became a nurse and what type of care you want to give. Ask yourself if your current job allows you to honor those values:
- Perform a self-check: Is your current role allowing you to be the nurse you want to be? If not, consider transitioning to areas of nursing that align more closely with your personal values.
- Consider continued education: If you’re passionate about improving patient care but feel stuck in a toxic environment, advancing your education can open doors to leadership roles where you can influence real change.
- Seek out specialized areas: Many nurses find more fulfillment in specialized roles where patient care is prioritized over corporate profit, whether that’s something like hospice care, home health, or a smaller practice is up to you.
By aligning your work with your core values, you’ll find greater fulfillment and lessen the impact of toxic environments.
